March 29, 2018

One-Liners for your Facebook Status!

  • Alcohol: Because inner demons are thirsty too! 
  • If the movie "Pati, Patni aur Woh" gets remade now, the title wud be "Pati, Patni aur Smartphone”!!
  • English = Hello.. Spanish = Hola..French=Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa.. Chinese = Nî Hâo.
   Indian= Oye %#**%# 
  • Best time to break a reactive news to a woman is when she has her nailpaint wet!
  • Wife and Wifi.. both are capable of driving men mad when they     decide to switch off.!!!              
  • Justice or just ice...Depends on which Bar you're in!  
  • Q: What do you call a responsible stranger in hindi ?   A: Gair-Zimmedar!
  • The two major causes of depression are:  a) having a job   b) not having a job
 
  • Bread is like the sun.. 
Rises in the yeast and sets in the waist !

  • A man asked a fairy to make him desirable & irresistable to all women.
She turned him into a "credit card”

  • You call them "cuss words"... I call them "sentence enhancers”
  • People who drink to escape their problems are....Booze-dils!! 
  • Facebook profile is your virtual "aadhar" card!! 
  • What are the three most popular words in the world?    Made in China.. 
  • Who are the most important people in Indian society?  'Chaar log’!  
  • There are two types of people in the virtual world:
  Those who have a Facebook account, and those who shouldn't have a         Facebook account

  • The basic necessities of modern Life: Roti, Kapda, Makaan, gaadi & free Wi-Fi. 
  • Breakup Story : "I always asked for a Pucchi .. And She always asked for a Gucci!
  • What is Bhaang called in english???
      Shiva's Regal. 
  • In an African safari, a lion suddenly bounced on wife.  Wife: Shoot him! Shoot him!          Husband: Yes, yes. I'm changing the battery in my camera..

  • Keep your spirits up! You don’t want to spill your drink…!! 
  • Contrary to popular belief, God's surname is not “damnit"..! 
  • In India, every problem has one solution and that solution is called Jugaad..
  • Follow your heart, it's the GPS of your soul!! 
  • Act like Pacman at parties.!! 
around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone…!
  • Some people are like price tags. As soon as we see them, our happiness turns into sadness.!! 
  • What exactly is a new year's resolution?   It is a to-do list for the first week of january. 
  • Maggi is the girlfriend of the food world. It says 2 minutes but never gets ready in less than 20 minutes.
  • Badaam khane se akal aati hai.. Dhoke khane se akal aati hai.. to socho badam dhokar khane se kitne akal ayegi..
  • Son: Dad, I want a new MacBook.
Dad: Beta, its pronounced "Math Book”.!
  • The way you feel when your phone dies is exactly how cinderella must have felt at midnight!! 
  • For a married guy, "Aji Sunte ho" sounds more like "Bigg Boss Chahte hai”..
  • Be careful what you wear to bed at night, you never know who you'll meet in your dreams.
  • A pessimist is merely someone who recognises that every silver lining is attached to a cloud…! 
  • Police asked the Thief: Why u went to Steal 3 times in d Same Store?
The thief Replied: Sir, I Stole 1 Dress for my wife & went to Change It Twice! 

  • You talk to GOD...you are religious...

      GOD talks to you..you are Psychotic

  • When someone texts you “hahahahaha!!” instead of “haha” or “lol”, you know you’ve done well.. 
  • Relationships start with "Can we talk?" and ends with "We need to talk.” 
  • Procrastination has it's good side. You always have something to do tomorrow. 
  • A bargain is something, you don't need, at a price you can't resist! 
  • After the 10th selfie , phones should automatically flash a message saying "You're not looking pretty today. Just deal with it"! 
  • Patience has calories, because sabar ka phaal meetha hota hai! 
  • There's 3 things in life everyone needs......
     LOVE to make them Weak...
     Alcohol to make them Strong ! & Best Friends    when both things make them HIT the floor .

  • Some people are like trees, they take forever to grow up.
  • Start your day by reciting this prayer!
"O Mere 33 crore devi devtao. ...Mujhe zayada kuch nahi chahiye. bus aap sab ek ek Rupiya dedo” 
  • Ganje ko kabhi dhoka mat dena! Uski high lagegi. 

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